23: a year older, but will I be wiser?
Hi, I’m back with my annual hatchday reflection! I’m officially alive for 2.3 decades (the number is smaller when you count it by decade).
It seems like yesterday when I was cheering at the thought of being a year closer to being an adult and the prospect of being independent. Yet here I am at 23, constantly tired, sleep-deprived, with the back that feels like it’s 83, and lying to people that I’m still 18. (Kudos to those that play along and believe that I’m 18. It means a lot).
All whining aside, 22 was actually a decent year. I started my 22 being lost, confused, and uncertain of what to become of me. Initially, there were a lot of self-doubts and self-imposed pressure that I should have achieved something substantial at 22 years of age. To my surprise, as the year progressed, I have become calmer and started to treat myself better. At 22, I learned to slow down, be more patient, start to stop putting pressure on myself for the things that I cannot control, and learn to leave some time for myself without the fear of missing out.
But the biggest achievement of all was when I started to love myself better. I remember that there was that one time when I looked into the mirror, instead of seeing the person in the reflection as a failure, I saw her as someone who has been trying hard. I saw a glimpse of appreciation when I looked at her instead of with disdain as I had normally done. It was not any kind of big achievement that I anticipated, but it was the one that I most value. It took me 22 years, but it finally happens the day that I started to love myself better. (Now that I wrote about it, I feel like I should have had a party when that happened).
As I age further (I refuse to say that I’m getting older), I realise that loving yourself is indeed a work in progress and it is not always a slow linear growth. There would be times when the love diminishes, and the disdain emerges but remembers that just like all the other things there is progress and there are fallbacks. Therefore, what is important is for you to stay true and remind yourself that you matter. It is okay if your progress is slow, eventually, your relationship with yourself would resolve and you would learn to appreciate yourself better. It took me 22 years to hate myself less, so don’t worry one day you too would start to appreciate yourself for who you are.
That’s it for this year’s reflection. It’s brief as I am still a work in progress, but at least there is progress. (Cheers to that)
Alright, see you again next year!
